


we're fading fast

by marthenotmartha



Series: it's time for me to fall apart [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, mentions of Harry Styles/Kendall Jenner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 05:14:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5615206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marthenotmartha/pseuds/marthenotmartha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>“Niaaaaaaall,”</em> comes an overly cheerful voice,<em> “happy 2016!”</em></p><p>“Harry?” Niall says, “What the fuck ‘re you calling for?”</p><p>He hasn’t spoken to Harry since the break had officially started, hasn’t even thought about him really. (Except he has thought about him; about his hair, about his laugh, about his smile, about his eyes, and his voice. He’s not gonna admit to that though, not even to himself.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	we're fading fast

**Author's Note:**

> title from miss missing you by fall out boy

_bzzzzz. bzzzzz. bzzzzz._

Niall wakes up with a start at the sound off his phone buzzing. The room is completely dark around him, and for a while he considers just ignoring it and going back to sleep. Whoever it is that’s calling him doesn’t seem to pick up on that though, and the phone just keeps buzzing. With a grunt, Niall stretches out his arm in search for his phone, and answers without checking the caller ID.

“‘ello?” he mutters, rubbing a hand over his face.

“ _Niaaaaaaall_ ,” comes an overly cheerful voice, “ _happy 2016!_ ” 

“Harry?” Niall says, “What the fuck ‘re you calling for?”

He hasn’t spoken to Harry since the break had officially started, hasn’t even thought about him really. (Except he has thought about him; about his hair, about his laugh, about his smile, about his eyes, and his voice. He’s not gonna admit to that though, not even to himself.)

“ _It’s 2016, Nialler!_ ” Harry shouts into the phone, causing Niall to move the phone away from his ear.

“Yeah, it’s also bloody late,” Niall says, “or early, whatever. I was sleeping.”

“ _I miss you!_ ” Harry says, as if he didn’t hear a word Niall just said, “ _And I was thinking about you, and I had to call you, because I realized that I haven’t kissed you since-_ ”

“Harry, please don’t,” Niall says before he can finish that sentence. “That’s not fair, Harry.”

“ _No, Niall, hear me out,_ ” Harry says, “I _haven’t kissed you since 2015, since last year, Niall!_ ”

“Harry, please shut up.”

“ _And I was thinkin’_ ,” Harry goes on, “ _about that time on tour, d’you remember? Like, we’d just come off stage, and it was such a good show, y’know. And I remember really wanting to kiss you, and I did ‘cus you were right there, and it was good, Niall_.”

And Harry’s not making much sense, there had been a lot of good times, lots of good kisses on tour. Niall doesn’t know which moment Harry’s talking about, but he doesn’t doubt that it was good, great even.

“Harry-”

“We _were good, Niall._ ” Harry says, voice lower, sadder. “ _Why aren’t we good anymore, Niall?_ ”

And Niall wants to shout at him, tell him that it’s all his fault, that Harry’s the one who fucked everything up, that he’s the reason they’re not good anymore. But he’s _tired_ , and his head hurts from a few too many drinks the night before, so he doesn’t.

“I’m tired, Harry” he says instead, “I’m tired, and you’re clearly drunk off your ass.”

“ _But Niall, I-_ ”

“Seriously, just. I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah? I’ll call you and we can talk when I’m less tired, and you’re less drunk.” Niall says, hoping that Harry will give in, will let him go back to sleep.

“ _Yeah, alright_ ,” Harry says, letting out a sigh, “ _Good night, Niall._ ”

“Good night, Harry.”

“ _Miss you_ , _Ni_ ” Harry says, before hanging up. Niall puts his phone away, and lies down.

“Miss you too, Hazza” he whispers, before closing his eyes and falling back asleep.

~

When Niall wakes up, he’s not sure if he’d dreamt the whole phone call or if it actually happened. He has to accept it though, after he checks his call log. Has to accept that he did in fact receive a drunk call from an ex last night. 

Is that even the right term to describe Harry though? They’d never actually been a couple, never even talked properly about whatever it was they were doing. But whatever it was, they’re not doing it anymore, which would make Harry an ex-something at least. 

Niall’s never had a drunk phone call from an ex-anything, really. Except maybe that one time back in April when Zayn had called him in the middle of the night, but Niall hadn’t picked up, so he doesn’t actually know if he was drunk or not.

The point is, he’s never had to deal with what comes next, never had to figure out how to deal with said ex. 

He’s been staring at his phone for the better part of 15 minutes now, hovering over the call button before locking it, only to unlock it again a few seconds later, to do some more staring. 

Thing is, Niall’s still angry. Angry at Harry for calling in the middle of the night, angry at him for suddenly occupying his thoughts again after Niall had been so good at not thinking about him, so good at pretending everything was fine.

(Except he hadn’t. Last night someone at Louis’ party had asked him about Harry and Kendall, and he’d excused himself and pulled Louis into the loo, ranted about what a selfish prick Harry was, and then soaked Louis’ t-shirt with his tears. Niall is blaming the alcohol for that though, and if Louis mentions it he’ll just pretend he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.)

As Niall’s staring contest closes in on 20 minutes, his phone starts buzzing, and Harry’s face pops up on the screen. Niall stares at it, letting his brain process what’s happening, before finally taking a deep breath and answering it. He puts the phone to his ear, but he doesn’t say anything. It’s quiet for a few moments, before-

“ _Niall?_ ” Harry asks tentatively, slowly.

“Yeah,” Niall says, and clears his throat, “I mean, yes, hi. How, uh... How are you?”

“ _I’m good, yeah,_ ” Harry says, “ _I just... yeah._ ”

It’s quiet again, neither of them knowing how to break the silence.

“ _Happy new year, I suppose_ ” Harry says after a while, and Niall can picture his smile, small and careful and uncertain. It takes all of his willpower not to smile at the thought of it.

“You already said that, actually.” Niall says, voice snappy and cold. 

“ _Oh_ ,” Harry breathes, “ _Yeah, I’m sorry about, er... that, last night._ ”

Niall hums, not about to forgive him for that, for anything really. It’s quiet again, and Niall’s pretty sure the tension could be cut with a knife.

“ _Listen, Niall_ ” Harry starts, “ _what I said last night, I meant it, I do m-_ ”

“How’s Kendall?” Niall says quickly, before Harry can finish that sentence. And then there’s silence again. Niall can hear Harry breathing at the other end, can hear him take in a shaky breath, as if he’s upset, which... How dare he? How dare he be upset, when he’s the one who broke up with Niall, when he’s the one who-

“ _How’s Selena?_ ” Harry says, voice cold as ice, and what the fuck?

“What the fuck, Harry?” Niall says, the anger he’d been trying to conceal flaring up. “What the fuck has Selena got to do with anything?”

“ _Suppose it was shit spending the holidays apart, yeah?_ ” he goes on and he’s angry now, spitting out his words as if they’re venom, “ _Suppose you’ve been bloody miserable without her._ ”

“Harry, mate, what the fuck are you on about?” Niall says, almost shouts.

“ _Oh, I’m sorry,_ ” Harry says, but he doesn’t sound it, “ _Didn’t know talking about your girlfriend was off-limits._ ”

“Harry,” Niall says, breathing through his nose and trying to stay calm, “Selena’s not my fucking girlfriend. We’re _friends_ , Harry, that’s it.” 

And then it’s quiet again. He can hear Harry breathing again, and he hates that somewhere along the line he started being able to tell how Harry’s feeling based on the way he’s breathing, _hates it_ , but he can tell that Harry’s confused and shocked by what he’s just been told. 

“ _But... you’re not... what?_ ” Harry stammers, confusion clear in his voice.

“Selena and I’ve never been anything but friends, Harry.” Niall says, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to breathe evenly. 

“ _I didn’t..._ ” Harry says, and Niall pictures him again, brows knitted, mouth slightly open. “ _Shit, Niall. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I-_ ”

“How’s Kendall?” Niall says again, pointedly, because it doesn’t matter if Harry’s sorry. That doesn’t change the fact that it happened, doesn’t change the fact that Harry’s been getting cozy with Kendall. Doesn’t change anything, really.

“ _Fuck, Niall, listen, I’m so sorry,_ ” Harry says, and his voice wobbles a little bit, as if he’s trying not to cry, “ _I’m sorry about Kendall, about everything, I just... I thought-_ ”

“Well you should’ve fucking asked me, Harry!” Niall shouts, because he has had it, he is so angry and there are tears forming in his eyes and he is done, “You should’ve asked me about Selena, instead of just assuming we were a thing! You should’ve fucking asked me before-” He stops, not sure if what he was about to say is something he wants out in the open.

It’s quiet, both of them breathing heavily into their phones.

“ _Before what, Niall?_ ” Harry asks, and he’s probably not crying yet, but Niall reckons he’s close.

“Before you broke me heart, Harry.” Niall says, and hangs up.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, comments are greatly appreciated! you can also talk to me about this over on tumblr @  
> [weirdnialls](http://www.weirdnialls.tumblr.com)


End file.
